Toilet Paper

May 31, 2012

Me + a roll of toilet paper= a kitten with a roll of toilet paper.

Weird stuff will happen.

Especially, in the bathroom.

How I’ll Know

January 30, 2012


I will know, when I ask if we can spend and entire Sunday in bed, watching the original trilogy and you say, “as long as there’s pancakes.”

I will know, if you kiss me, even when my hair is standing on ends and my breath is like swamp creature. And you lie and say I’m lovely.

I will know, if you  tell me the whole truth, the real truth and the strong truth about the way I look through those eyes of yours.

I will know, when you buy me a plant, because I get sad when flowers die.

I will know, when you drag me away from digital things to hunt for moss in high places in deep woods.

I will know, by your glance over the edge of a large, white coffee mug, in quiet little coffee shop and the smile/wink you give.

I will know when you’re lounging on the couch, trying to make sense of my terrible romance novel and smirking at the word thrust.

I will know, when you’re angry and you walk away and pull your hair and sigh heavily, and surrender with a kiss.

I will know, if you donate a dollar to that charity that they’re always asking if you could donate to, because I’m a sappy bleeding heart.

I will know, if you take me to used book stores, so I can hold and touch memories and smell history and magic. And you think that it’s adorable and not weird.

I will know, if you see that I’m stressed over something and you immediately put your hands on my shoulders to lessen the knots.

I will know, when you bake me a horribly crooked, poorly iced birthday cake and invite my best friends over and we play board games too late and laugh too hard.

I will know, on a fall day, when you make me sit still on a park bench and watch the colors and feel the breeze, before returning the mad rush.

Most of all,


When I meet you, and I ask, “Would you like to spend the day in a bouncy castle?” and the answer is, “Who wouldn’t?”
And that’s how I’ll know.

If you’re as excited as I am to go here= soulmates.

The best trip ever.

Green Lantern Ring

January 3, 2012

Propose with this. I will marry you SO HARD and love you forever.


Night swimming

January 3, 2012

Ignore the sign.

Sex on the Beach isn’t just a girly drink.

Bouncy Castle

January 3, 2012

HECK YES, they are for grown-ups.

And it would be, like the best birthday present ever.

Me+You+ Bouncing all day in our PJs.


Han Solo

March 29, 2011

Dear FH, Re: Han Solo



Was my first love.

Air Freshener

March 29, 2011

Dear FH, Re: Air Freshener

Was invented,

so I could still find you attractive

after your hour long Chili fiasco.

Use it.

John McClane

March 29, 2011

Dear FH, Re: John McClane

The day you crawl across broken glass and save me from terrorists.

That’s when you can say ‘you understand’ what my cramps feel like.